At the Art Fair in town: (with my mom while she was still here-Jake was at home with Mark. Repeat, no baby with me!)
Woman in booth: Do you know the sex of your baby?
Me: (Cringing...) I just had my baby.
Woman in booth: Oh, well what did you have?
Me: (Trying not to cry) A boy.
Woman in booth: I ask because I have adorable little girl baby headbands for sale.
Me: That's nice. (Thinking to myself, "Like I'm going to make a purchase from you now, lady" and walk out of booth. Self esteem plunging....I hate still looking pregnant after I've just delivered!!!).
At an Oregon State retail store in Salem after dropping Mom off at the Portland airport: (Mark and Jake are with me)
Male employee: Wait, I'm confused...you just had a baby, but you're pregnant again??
Me: (Firmly, verging on anger) Nope, not pregnant. I had a c-section and it takes a while for the body to get back to normal. (Thinking to myself, "This is why you're 50 years old and still working retail, MORON!)
Mark: (Staring incredulously at the idiot, says to me...) You're right. People do make comments to you.
Me: (Less than enthusiastically) Yup. Can we go now?
At the local hospital waiting for my CT scan on my giant kidney cyst: (Jake was at home with Mark. Repeat, no baby with me!)
(I was patiently waiting to officially check-in for my appointment in the waiting area).
Old woman: Oh, aren't you sweet, when is your baby due?
Me: (Smiling through annoyance) I actually just had my baby.
Old woman: Oh, I'm so sorry. When did you have it?
Me: 2 weeks ago, via c-section.
Old woman: Oh, well that's why you have still have a belly pooch. My daughter had 4 c-sections and had that belly every time.
Me: Oh, that's lovely.
(Now I've been called up to check in).
The check-in old woman: Okay, Emily. You're here for a CT scan, correct? When is the baby due?
Me: (Flatly) 2 weeks ago
The check-in old woman: (with a confused look on her face, as obviously I'm not big enough to be 2 weeks overdue) Hmm...oh, you had the baby already? (very much confused).
Me: Yes. Where do I go for my scan, please?
(In the waiting area for my scan)
Idiot in waiting room: (loudly commenting on a T.V. ad. for the new season of Big Brother) Oh look at that little gay boy! Now they have to have a f*gg*t on the show? Get real! Who wants to watch a gay boy on TV? That disgusts me!
Me: (thinking to myself, "Are you freaking kidding me???!!!" Getting out my cell phone to text Mark that I have officially walked through the doors of Hell.)
Idiot in the waiting room: (Talking to no one in particular- there were 6 of us in the waiting room) Kids these days don't have a clue how to do math. They's all allowed to use caculators* on them tests, and cell phones. We're just passing on a generation of dummies!
*He did not pronounce the first l in calculators. Obviously, a very bright man.
Me: (thinking to myself, "Won't be the first generation...look at yours!)
He went on to pontificate more offensive verbiage to no one in particular, but I will spare you those comments as this was the most ignorant, red-necked hillbilly I've had the displeasure of being exposed to in quite a while. I won't even describe him physically, as I'm sure you have your own mental picture drawn.
When my name was finally called by the lab tech guy, I loudly thanked him for getting me out of the waiting room. So, there I was in the room ready to get scanned so I can hopefully get this giant cyst out of me.
Lab tech guy: Okie Dokie, you're gonna need to take your pants off because zippers can't pass through the machine.
Me: Oh, I just had a baby and I'm still wearing maternity pants. No zipper!
Lab tech guy: Okay, go ahead and leave them on. You just had a baby, eh?
Me: (Pleased that he hadn't already asked me when I'm due) Yes, my son was born 2 weeks ago. I'm still very sore from the c-section.
Lab tech guy: Go ahead and lay down on that table for me.
Me: Can you help me? Bending over is still difficult.
Lab tech guy: Sure thing. Now I'm going to start an i.v. on you and run some iodine in your system. It will help us see your organs and get a clearer picture of your cyst. (chuckling....) I can tell you this now that your i.v. is in, but I've been having trouble seeing lately! I'm surprised I was able to insert that!
Me: (thinking to myself, what???) WHAT???? Go get your eyes checked and stop telling people that story!
Lab tech guy: Oh, that surgery is only good for long distance sight, not anything close up.
Me: (Groaning to myself...OMG!)
Lab tech guy: Okay, with this iodine you're going to feel a burning in the back of your throat and it will feel like you're wetting your pants, but you're not.
Me: Uh, is this stuff safe while I'm breast feeding?
Lab tech guy: What? You just had a baby??
****I couldn't breast feed for 48 hours due to this idiot's mistake. Is it any wonder why I'm not really enjoying being "out and about" right now???
4 comments:
Gosh, Emily. I don't even know what to say. People are idiots, and you seem to have run into more than your share lately.
I agree with Cami - people don't seem to think before they speak any more (or if they ever did).
Try to ignore them!
Give Jake a hug and kiss from Grandma!
This post is so funny! (In a way that makes me cringe.) You look really great in your 4th of July picture. Hope the cyst is taken care of soon and you look back to normal.
Don't you love "people". Hang in there.
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